Dear Yankees,
Thank you for ruining my weekend. That was a wonderful display of failure for 72 hours. Whatever happened to Destiny, Mystique, and Aura? Not to mention there other friend Swagger? Did Melky leave one of them in a ditch at some point the last few years after over-serving them too many Vodka-Red Bulls? (not now, I'm in the zone chief) I don't get it. Brian Cashman, please go send scouts to the Meat-Packing district to find these four things. The Yankees need them back. You could also sell them to the Miami Hurricanes football program who would probably pay top dollar for those lasses. Though they most likely wouldn't be the most unique name to play for the 'Canes. That goes to WR Bill Shakespeare.
-M. Kay's Jowels
p.s. Would the Jets please sign Buress. I don't see anything that could go wrong.
